The Delhi walla's pretension in writing makes me want to lodge a bullet in his balls - Blogger Nimpipi, the woodchuck chucks
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Overheard in a bullet train in Korea.
[Text by Namya Sinha; picture by Unknown; the author can be seen with 'Lady M' whose face has been pixilated to protect her identity]
Didn't knew that The Delhi Walla, my colleague at work, would not leave me even when I was far away from Delhi - in South Korea. We were a group of four Delhi-based journalists who were invited by the Korean government to promote their tourist destinations in India. So, there was this reclusive freelancer, a photojournalist and then there was another journalist... let us call her Lady M. Oh yes, she is very ladylike, speaks with a convent-school accent, cannot eat anything jhoota and is all prim and propah. She writes for one of India's leading travel magazines.
So Lady M was sitting on the seat behind me. The KTX bullet train was to take us from the South Korean capital Seoul to the port city of Busan, down south. We were to cover 200 miles in three hours. The photojournalist sat next to me; the reclusive freelancer with Lady M.
As soon as our train left the Seoul suburbs and entered the fields, the photojournalist asked me about... Mayank Austen Soofi. "His blog is probably the only one that gets maximum ads," he remarked. Before I could say anything, Lady M screamed from behind, "Mayank! That shady blogger? His blog is shady and I tell you he too is shady."
"What", I exclaimed.
There were a few moments of shocked silence as the train speeded upto 350 kilometers per hour. So did Lady M's bitching about our blogger. Since Soofi is a friend, I tried to ignore Lady M, tried to focus on my Mills & Boon of the day - The Sheikh's Virgin.
Alas, there was no stopping Lady M. "Mayank's so fake. You know he put my picture on his shady blog and later in a newspaper! I just gave it off to him and asked him to remove it. But this guy wouldn't listen. He's weird."
Even as the Sheikh's virgin was about to lose her virginity, Lady M continued her diatribe. The kind photojournalist, who was Lady M's colleague, did put in his words for The Delhi Walla, though. "Mayank is not that bad, his blog is very popular."
But who could stop Lady M whose bitching was running faster than the bullet train. "You don't know him so you better shut up," she snapped at her colleague before turning to me. "Namya, tell me, has Mayank got a ghostwriter? I have worked with that guy and he couldn't frame even one sentence properly. I don't know why is his shady blog so popular."
Plop. The Sheikh's virgin lost her virginity but this exclusive peek into the vicious side of The Delhi Walla was juicier. "This slimy guy did the same thing to my friends," said Lady M. "Those poor girls were once shopping at Khan Market where Mayank took their photographs and then he captioned those images as high society babes or something."
The reclusive freelancer finally opened her mouth, "How come I have never seen his blog? Lady M immediately interrupted, "Namya, tell me what is Mayank's e-mail?"
"It's firstname.lastname@example.org," I said innocently. "Austen Soofi?", Lady M got new fodder. "Is that a name?" she asked the freelancer. The train was running really fast, everything was a blur outside the window but Lady M's voice was loud and clear. "Mayank is a weirdo. He loves Jane Austen, likes sufi music and so he has made this funny title for himself." Lady M was now poking fun at the poor Soofi's name. "One day he called me to ask if he should add Roy too in his name since he's so in love with Arundhati Roy," she laughed. "Ha ha ha, I just cannot stand this man."